As I am writing this I am also nursing my child, drinking my mothers milk tea and trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to go to the bathroom. It’s called multitasking. Every mom knows how to do it, even when you don’t want to because you really have no choice. Nash is now eight weeks old and the “fourth trimester” has been a hell of a ride.
My first experience of panic was Nash and I’s first solo trip to target about a week after he was born. I tried to make this trip quick (the sole reason to go was to get out of the house and into public). At this point I was not comfortable nursing him in public, even while covering up. He was having latching issues due to a tongue tie and he would scream bloody murder for ten minutes before latching. The first thirty minutes of this target trip was great! I had a cart full of pointless shit (just like any other target trip) and Nash starts to throw a fit. I try to calm him down by moving the cart back and forth, shoving his pacifier in his mouth, shhh’ing him.. nothing worked. I felt a weird sensation and looked down and my shirt was soaked. I had leaked threw because he was crying. The human body is an amazing thing, isn’t it? I grabbed his car seat, left my cart full of pointless shit and ran out of there. I spent the next 40 minutes in the car nursing him.
Looking back 6-7 weeks later, I feel so ridiculous. Ive come a long way since then and at this point I don’t care who sees me nurse him. Every mom has been there. Dear moms, its okay to have a nervous break down. It’s okay to be afraid, and its most definitely okay to leak through your shirt at Target. These last few weeks I have spent so much time reevaluating what’s important in life, second guessing myself and having a handful of panic attacks. Ive been so lucky to have the support of my amazing friends/family telling me its okay and to make sure to take care of myself. Easier said than done but they are so right. How am I going to be the best mom I can be if I’m neglecting myself? Though there are days I do forget to shower, I always make sure to drink my morning coffee and get shit done. My husband is very good at reminding me to take care of myself at the end of the day and forcing me to relax by setting a beer in front of me when I need it the most (thanks babe).
Moms, it’s okay to ask for help. I’m the type of person that hates asking for help and usually just do things myself. When someone offers their help, LET THEM HELP. Just know, you are not alone, even though sometimes it feels like it. Through all the chaos and craziness, long nights, long days, breakdowns and not enough coffee in the world… I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything. I don’t remember what life was like before it and I don’t care to. Dear moms, you are strong enough, and you can do it.